an open letter to myself

Hey, Joce. It’s me, you. I have seen how you are struggling lately, barely treading water, and I figured it was time to step in and have a little chat. Looks like you are desperately needing some positive self-talk. So, just wanted to say…Hey.

Hey, Joce. The whole “momming” gig seems to be especially challenging for you lately. Being the primary caretaker for a toddler is not easy. You are justified in feeling overwhelmed and as if every fucking day is just another fucking Groundhog Day and will be so on and so forth until the end of time. Just remember that behind the teething and fussing and tantrums that she throws at you, that YOU are your daughter’s whole world. She is such a pleasant, sweet, sociable little being BECAUSE of you and all your investment parenting. You’ve got a lot of experience from caring for your siblings, and you are totally killing it as a mother to your own child, even if you feel like no one sees it or gives a shit.

Hey, Joce. You’re not getting enough sleep, but despite your irrational moments here and there, you are still a highly functional human, and that, in and of itself, is badass. There’s a reason why sleep deprivation is used as a torture technique. You can rest assured (pun intended) that you will be able to hold your own if you are ever subjected to this for any reason. Just tell them upfront to water board you.

Hey, Joce. I know you feel like your body is never going to be the same. News Flash: It won’t. But one day, this baby will wean, and you won’t be obligated to nurse. You will be able to go back to a consistent lifting schedule. You’ll build your strength and endurance back. And guess what? You’ll never have to push a baby out EVER AGAIN. You’ll never have to start from ground zero again. It’s all ups at this point. You have a whole lifetime left of being able to focus on getting stronger. This is a short season in your life. This too shall pass.

Hey, Joce. It’s all right to be pissed about situations beyond your control. You cannot pick your family, but you don’t have to put up with their fucking bullshit. The point is not to get bogged down in bitterness or anger, because… Fuck that. You have too much to do and too much love to give to the family you have created. Be grateful you know this, and do not buy into a false sense of obligation. There’s a damn good reason you left that drama-shit behind 17 years ago. 

Hey, Joce. Military life is difficult at times. Your husband can tell you this better than anyone. It’s not wrong to feel isolated as a mom and and a wife and a fucking person in general. He is your best friend and your biggest fan. Don’t try to do everything by yourself; you two are a team, and he is your partner in raising that baby. Stop being afraid to ask for help when you need it. 

Hey, Joce. It’s okay. Seriously, dude. Remember, you got this. You’re a boss. Anytime you need a reminder of that, look at where you are and all you accomplished, in spite of where and whence you came. 

Good talk. 😘 Get some goddamn intermittent sleep and kick ass tomorrow. 

Author: Jocelyn

Proud Air Force wifey | stay-at-home mommy | beach bum | Pisces | living the life on the beautiful island of Okinawa.

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